Even if all other aspects of your marriage seem to be harmonious, the absence of intimacy will have you doubting the relationship with your significant other.
Most couples go through dry spells due to stress or circumstances. These issues, however, will be resolved in time.
If the intimacy goes missing altogether, you could be dealing with a couple of serious problems. Here are the most common issues and the things you can do to make things better.
Mismatched Libidos
You were doing it like rabbits when you first got together but youโre now finding your libido to be missing.
Your sex drive can change in time for a couple of reasons.
Going through pregnancy or menopause will alter hormones significantly, reducing sexual desire permanently for some women.
Libido problems could also be stemming from stress, fatigue or the natural aging process.
If you find out that your libidos have become mismatched significantly, talk to your partner about the situation. See your doctor to rule out a medical problem. If everythingโs fine, try scheduling sex. They say that an appetite comes with eating and the saying is most definitely true when it comes to sex.
The Emotional Connection Going Missing
Do you feel that youโre living with a roommate rather than a significant other? If so, you probably have lost the emotional connection โ the glue that held the relationship together over the years.
Feeling emotionally-connected to someone builds intimacy. The lack of emotional connection also leads to not feeling sexually connected.
There are several things you can do to address the issue and repair the broken connection.
For a start, begin talking to each other. Sharing, laughing together and being silly can all bring back those feelings of having someone special in your corner.
Also, remember to kiss, hug and cuddle. You donโt need to have sex โ just increase the level of physical intimacy. Doing so will help you remember what your partnerโs body feels like. Eventually, cuddling and kissing can make you desire sex once again.
Sex Being Habitual and Boring
Sooner or later, most of us start taking a partner for granted. That often means being less committed and active in the bedroom.
If your partner is no longer doing the stuff you enjoy and is just going through the motion, you probably feel no desire to have sex. Letโs face it โ nobody wants boring or tedious experiences that take away time from stuff thatโs actually enjoyable.
You can do a couple of things to address this kind of problem.
Focus on foreplay. Forget about penetrative sex for a little while. Touch each other, explore erogenous zones, sensual massages and having steamy baths together.
Being reconnected erotically will eventually lead to the desire for more sex. Do some new things to increase the excitement. Sex toys provide an easy opportunity to try the kinds of stimulation youโve never had before. You can also opt for kinky sex furniture โ the perfect purchase for experimentation with new sex positions.
Unresolved Conflict
Do you feel resentful towards your spice? Unresolved conflict can linger and do that to you.
Unresolved conflict can also make you lose the emotional connection โ an issue weโve already discussed and understood as a serious sex killer.
Instead of holding on to resentment, try to talk about it. Has there been a moment when you felt betrayed by your partner? Did they do something that changed the way youโve been seeing them? Such an issue isnโt going to disappear on its own. Start the conversation. If you have to, attend therapy together. Professional assistance will often be needed for unresolved conflict thatโs been a relationship companion for way too long.
A Difference Between Expectations and Reality
So many people have unrealistic views of sex. Media and porn portrayals of adult action have very little in common with actual sex.
If this is your frame of reference, youโre probably feeling very disappointed with the things going on in your bedroom. Very few people can compare to adult actors. Sex isnโt always orgasmic and passionate. Sometimes, itโs messy, funny and yes โ disappointing.
You canโt make intimacy good by comparing your life to unattainable, non-existent standards.
Instead, talk to your partner about what seems to be missing. Give them some idea about your experiences and the reasons why theyโve been unsatisfying. Someone who cares deeply about you will be open to trying new things, exploring fantasies and focusing on the kinds of stimulation that deliver the most satisfaction.
Intimacy is something that occurs naturally in the beginning of marriage but can be lost in time. Has this happened to you? Donโt discount amazing intimate experiences in the future. The key to making things better is determining the specific reason for the loss of intimacy. Once you do, start talking. Letting your partner know will bring the problem to light and allow both of you to seek a mutually-beneficial solution.
